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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24092629">eddie begins</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nighting_gale17/pseuds/nighting_gale17'>nighting_gale17</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>3x15, Angst with a Happy Ending, Did I Miss Anything?, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, SEAL!Buck, i hate tagging things</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:47:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,408</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24092629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nighting_gale17/pseuds/nighting_gale17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Buck.” Bobby cut him off, grasping Buck’s arms tightly. “This is a recovery operation now, Buck.” Sorrow and grief darkened his eyes, his face blurring in Buck’s vision as tears started to drip down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, there’s no way he could have survived that. He’s gone, Buck. He’s gone.”</p><p>He’s gone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Navy SEAL!Evan "Buck" Buckley</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>eddie begins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>haha forgot i wrote this lmao. anywho i wanted to add some badass buck but i didn’t wanna take away from eddies moment and strength so this came about! hope yall enjoy it &lt;3 keep your eyes peeled for a part 2 eventually with dealing with the aftermath. comments and kudos warm my heart and make my day</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Cap,” Buck rushed down the stairs when he spotted Bobby walking by, his heart still beating too fast and his hands shook with lingering adrenaline. He practically bounced over to Bobby’s side, his brain focused on one goal and one goal only. “Cap, we gotta go dig.”</p><p> </p><p>Bobby sighed, his dirt-streaked face pained as he continued walking out onto the porch with Buck at his side. “We don't have a drill, Buck, and even if we could get another one up here, their access road is flooded.” He stopped when they met with Chimney on the porch, a look on his face that Buck chose to ignore, because if he didn’t—</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, well, then we dig by hand!” Buck answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He tried to rein back his frustration, he knew Bobby was just trying to do his job as Captain, but every second they spent debating this up here and not <em>doing</em> something was another second that Eddie could be—Buck inhaled sharply and shook himself. He couldn’t even say the words in his own goddamned head.</p><p> </p><p>“Not with all this rain,” Chimney spoke up, almost yelling to be heard over the noise of the storm raging around them. There were concern and sympathy in his eyes, too close to the look Bobby was getting him and Buck had to look away. “It could trigger another collapse.”</p><p> </p><p>“How long could he last down there?” Buck quietly demanded of the engineer that had walked up to them.</p><p> </p><p>The engineer looked between him and Bobby before sighing helplessly. “We’re talking thirty feet of wet earth. It fell right down on top of him.”</p><p> </p><p>There was nothing but silence that answered his words. Buck finally looked up, surprised to see the entire team staring at him with varying looks of concern and hesitation written over their features. The realization at that moment hit him like a bag of bricks to his chest, the force of it almost making him take a step back as he looked from Chimney to Bobby, his eyes beginning to burn with unshed tears. “You all think he’s dead.” he breathed out, practically choking on the words as they came out of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>He saw Chimney and Hen exchange looks from the corner of his eye but his gaze was focused on Bobby. There were regret and grief on his face—had been, for a while, Buck realized, he just hadn’t wanted to accept it for what it was. “Buck…” he said slowly, using the same voice he always used whenever he was trying to calm down Buck from another horrific nightmare. “Listen, Eddie’s been down there—”</p><p> </p><p>“And he’s still alive!” Buck snapped, a wave of fiery anger flaring in his chest, the flames licking around the edges of his words. “I-I can’t believe you guys. It’s Eddie! He’s still down there, and we need to—”</p><p> </p><p>“Buck.” Bobby cut him off, grasping Buck’s arms tightly. “This is a recovery operation now, Buck.” Sorrow and grief darkened his eyes, his face blurring in Buck’s vision as tears started to drip down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, there’s no way he could have survived that. He’s gone, Buck. He’s gone.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He’s gone.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Buck didn’t even realize the haunting wail that cut through the night was coming from his own mouth until there were steady arms wrapping around him and gentle hands cradling the back of his head. Tears streamed down his face as he clung to Bobby’s uniform, barely able to the comforting murmurs in his ear over his own body-wracking sobs. His heart felt like it was just torn out of his chest. He was forced to watch as hope was crushed and beaten until there was nothing left but an empty chasm in his chest that ached with every breath he took.</p><p> </p><p>“He can’t be gone, Bobby, he can’t be gone, bring him back.” Buck pleaded desperately through his sobs. “Bring him back! Bring him back, please, bring him back to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t, Buck,” Bobby’s voice cracked with grief, and somehow, that just made it worse. “I can’t bring him back. He’s gone, son, I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Buck sobbed, shoving Bobby away forcefully enough that the older man stumbled back several steps. Buck glared at the rest of his team through his tears, his voice cracking as he yelled, “He’s not—<em>dead</em>.” The word came out choked, bringing with it a fresh wave of terror and anger. “He can’t—”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There could be some intersecting feeder pipes down there, maybe some drainage tunnels.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The commissioner’s struck through his brain like lightning and Buck felt himself freeze with the weight of the realization. The reservoir. The reservoir was only just down the hill. And the drainage tunnels—if Eddie was in the tunnels, then that could mean—</p><p> </p><p>A detached feeling of calm suddenly settled over Buck and he spun around and started marching towards the trucks, ignoring the calls of his team from behind him. Water pelted him, stinging his face with the force and cold but Buck could barely feel it. He had a single-minded focus right now, with only one goal. The feeling was eerily similar to the state of mind he would fall into during SEALs training—the one that had frightened him away—but he couldn’t bring himself to care.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered until he got Eddie back in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>Buck tore off his helmet, discarding somewhere on the ground without care. He shouldered his way past firefighters he didn’t recognize as he got to the truck and quickly shrugged off his turnout coat. The process of putting the oxygen tank on and ensuring the equipment was functioning properly, grabbing the correct equipment to dive into the reservoir passed in a blur. It wasn’t until he started heading down to the reservoir that he heard Bobby’s voice crackling over his radio.</p><p> </p><p>“Buck, where are you going?” the Captain asked, worry in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“The drainage tunnels underneath us connect to the reservoir,” Buck answered. His voice sounded strange to his own ears—off, somehow, devoid of emotion. “I’m going down there and I’m bringing Eddie back. I’m not asking, Cap.”</p><p> </p><p>There was no answer from the radio as Buck continued his walk down to the reservoir. He didn’t care. Eddie was alive down there and he needed Buck’s help—he’d be damned if he let his best friend drown 40 feet below him without doing anything to help. He’d just discarded his extra gear along the edge of the water when he heard Chimney’s voice shouting for him.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not stopping me,” Buck warned, a bite to his words that he couldn’t bring himself to reel in.</p><p> </p><p>“Wouldn’t dream of it, Buckaroo.” Chimney said, and Buck startled when he felt a harness wrap around him and he glanced back, noting the long line and the multiple firefighters rushing down toward them. “You find him, then tug on this three times and we’ll pull you back up.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck nodded, suddenly unable to speak over the lump of emotion in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p> </p><p>Chimney’s voice made him look up and he was surprised to see the heavy emotion on his face—grief, worry, determination—and even more surprised when Chimney pulled him into a tight hug. “You come back. I can’t lose another brother tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>They both ignored the tears on their cheeks when they pulled back and Buck nodded as he adjusted the harness across his chest. “We’re not losing anyone tonight,” he said firmly before turning and walking into the water, keeping his breathing deep and even as he put on the oxygen mask and dived below the surface.</p><p> </p><p>The water was dark and murky around him as he carefully scanned the water with his flashlight, searching for any sign of Eddie or the tunnels that were suspected to be under the reservoir. He didn’t see anything, so he dove deeper. That’s when he saw it—to his left, there was a tunnel reaching out in the direction Buck had just come from.</p><p> </p><p>Hope.</p><p> </p><p>“Found the tunnel. Going in.” Buck radioed before he swam through the water into the tunnel with renewed vigor. The water was the opposite of clear—but as Buck shined his light through it, he could see it continued on and seemed to grow wider as their depth increased.</p><p> </p><p><em>Please, please be here</em>, Buck thought to himself as he swam. He refused to believe Eddie was dead after the collapse. His best friend was smart, resourceful and he had something to fight and come home to—he would make it.</p><p> </p><p>He <em>had</em> to make it.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of even trying to navigate his life now without Eddie by his son was impossible. He’d so seamlessly fit into the family unit of Christopher and Eddie that it was his life now. It was a life he’d been craving for his entire life and now that he found it, he refused to let go of it. The world was going to have to pry it out of his clenched hands if they even wanted to try, and Buck would protect it as if it was the most precious thing in his life.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered the first time he had met Eddie. God, he’d been so jealous of the easy way he’d seemed to fit into the family Buck had made for himself at the 118, completely convinced that his presence would kick Buck out of the only family he’d known. But then, something happened. Buck still couldn’t put his finger on what it was that changed, but as soon as they shook hands, Buck knew he was all in—one hundred percent. Then he’d found out about Christopher and, God, that kid, whether he knew it or not, have pulled Buck out of some of the darkest and most dangerous places he’d ever gone. He was like a beam of sunshine that chased away all the storm clouds in Buck’s mind and replaced them with love and family and happiness.</p><p> </p><p>No. The world had taken too much from Buck. He refused to let it take this from him.</p><p> </p><p>“Buck, anything yet?” Bobby’s voice crackled through the mic in his suit.</p><p> </p><p>“Negative, Cap. I—wait. I think I see something.”</p><p> </p><p>There, a few feet away, there was a green light shining through the water. Hope bursting through him, Buck swam faster through the tunnel. He wanted to cry in relief when he saw Eddie swimming through the water—relief so heavy, it took him more than a minute to realize Eddie’s oxygen tank was gone.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie.” his voice cracked as he swam up to the other man, hooking an arm around him and practically shoving the second oxygen mask into his mouth. Eddie went slack in Buck’s arms, clutching onto him just as tightly as Buck was holding him. When his eyes opened again, they were filled with relief, gratitude, and unshed tears that almost broke Buck’s resolve.</p><p> </p><p>“Cap, I got him.” Buck radioed back, his voice thick with emotion. He pulled once, twice, three times on the line, arms secured tightly around Eddie’s torso as they were quickly pulled back to the surface.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was almost limp in his grasp but he had his arms locked tightly around Buck’s neck and the edge of the mask digging into the side of his neck. Eddie was here in Buck’s arms—bruised and bleeding but so gorgeously alive—and it was all Buck could do to keep himself together as they finally broke the surface and were dragged onto the shore.</p><p> </p><p>Buck stumbled to his feet, Eddie’s arm slung around his shoulder as he carried the older man through the waist-deep water.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie? Eddie!” Bobby rushed toward them, wading through the water until he got to Eddie’s other side. “Hey, you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty cold,” Eddie answered. That much was obvious—his lips were tinged blue from lack of oxygen, his skin pale and clammy and he was shaking uncontrollably in Buck’s grip.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get you checked out, buddy, so we can get you home.” Hen’s voice was filled with relief as they neared, both her and Chimney helping guide Eddie onto the stretcher they brought down with them.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Eddie breathed out, his head lolling forward slightly as he let himself be carried away. “I got a big date Friday. I can’t miss it.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of his chest, all nervous tension and relief—it was either that or he was going to start breaking down in tears. Of course, even after all this, Eddie’s only priority was making sure he could go to his kid’s show and tell at the end of the week.</p><p> </p><p>It was just one of the things Buck loved about him.</p><p> </p><p>They finally managed to get Eddie to sit on the gurney and it took both Buck and Bobby to strip Eddie of all his soaking clothes and quickly wrapped in the several layers of shock and heated blankets Chimney had prepared. Chimney knelt on the gurney while the rest of them pushed it back up to the ambulance and Buck didn’t take his eyes off of them for a second.</p><p> </p><p>Chimney attached an oxygen mask to Eddie’s face before he started carefully inspecting every inch of his head. “Knocked yourself pretty good there on your head,” he commented, gently parting through Eddie’s hair and shining a light on the side of his skull.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Eddie mumbled the word like it took all his energy to speak. “Collapse. Think I—passed out. Don’t remember.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck couldn’t help the stark fear that shot through him. That could mean any number of things—Eddie could have gotten a concussion, who knows how long he was out for, and there could be serious brain damage if something had happened inside his head that they couldn’t see or—</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we’ll have them get a CT scan when we get to the hospital,” Chimney promised, his words for Eddie but his eyes met Buck’s. “You’ll be okay, buddy.”</p><p> </p><p>By the time they had gotten to the ambulance, Eddie had stopped shaking quite so violently, laying down flat on the gurney wrapped up in a cocoon of warm blankets. But now he looked like he was two seconds away from falling asleep. His eyes kept slipping closed and Hen had to firmly rub his sternum to keep him awake. “Hey, no, you know the rules. No sleeping yet until we get you to the hospital.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Buck, keep him awake,” Hen asked, her eyes flicking up to meet his. He isn’t sure what she saw, but her expression softened and she motioned for him to get in the ambulance with them. “Come on. No one else can run their mouth like you can.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck had been hovering just outside the ambulance—desperately trying to keep his eyes on Eddie while also trying to stay out of Hen and Chimney’s way—so he wasted no time in clambering into the ambulance, sitting across from Hen while Chimney kept an eye on the oxygen and Eddie’s vitals. Eddie’s eyes had slipped closed again and Buck grabbed his hand, tapping lightly on Eddie’s forehead like he did when he was playing around with Christopher. “Uh-uh. You heard the boss lady—no sleeping. Show me those pretty eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why, so I can look at your ugly mug?” Eddie rasped, the beginnings of a tired smile on his face as he slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Buck.</p><p> </p><p>Buck made a noise, pretending to be affronted by the jab, but he couldn’t help but feel relieved Eddie was still with it enough to tease him. “Hey—I’ll have you know many people find this ‘ugly mug’ extremely attractive.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie hummed in response, his hand tightening around Buck’s ever so slightly with a soft look in his eyes. “Look like Christopher.”</p><p> </p><p>“Eds, you sure you didn’t hit your head too hard?” Chimney joked, a teasing grin on his face. “I think we can all agree Christopher is ten times cuter than Buckaroo over here.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s hand shakily reached up the top of Buck’s head, brushing gently over the wet curls that had fallen in his face. “Curls—like Christopher. Should grow ‘em out.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck tried to ignore the flush in his cheeks when Eddie’s hand brushed over his cheek as it fell back down. “Not a chance. You know how awful curls are to manage?”</p><p> </p><p>“For once, Buckaroo’s not wrong,” Hen agreed, smiling at him as she gently started wrapping a pretty nasty gash on Eddie’s arm. “Why do you think I opt for no hair at all?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nobody rocks the look better than you, Hen,” Chimney said, sharing a grin with his partner for a brief moment. “Something tells me Buck wouldn’t look quite so amazing without those locks.” He paused after he said that, his face scrunching mockingly as if deep in thought. “Hey, you know what, bet that would give the rest of us a fairer chance.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, Chimney,” Buck laughed, letting some of the familiar banter loosen the tension he’d been carrying in his shoulders. “You’re already dating my sister, you don’t need a ‘fairer chance’.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you’re right, I got the better of the Buckleys.” Chimney teased back, though he became a little distracted looking at something on Eddie’s screen.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah…” Buck looked back down at Eddie when the older man weakly patted his knee. “Y’r the b’st…”</p><p> </p><p>“Hen, his glucose levels are dropping,” Chimney warned, all trace of fun gone.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, we need to get him warmed up faster. Chimney, get him started on some warm IV fluids.” Hen said, before turning and digging around for something in one of the drawers. She tossed some to Buck, which he managed to catch with his hands before she hit him in the face. “It’s a heat pack. They need to go under his armpits, on his abdomen and groin if we want to get his core warmed back up.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck took a shaky breath and nodded, breaking the heat pack and warming it up between his hands before placing one on Eddie’s groin underneath the blankets and another two on his abdomen and chest while Hen placed two under his armpits.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Eddie, stay awake, buddy,” Buck firmly rubbed his knuckles against Eddie’s sternum to make him wake up. He only felt a small measure of relief when Eddie groaned softly and his eyes fluttered open. But now they were glassy and unfocused, flickering around as he stared at the top of the ambulance.</p><p> </p><p>“Chief—two klicks down…” he mumbled, the rest of his words slurring into nonsense.</p><p> </p><p>Buck looked up, panicked as he held tighter onto Eddie’s hand. “That’s the h-hypothermia, right? Making him confused?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe.” Chimney agreed as he finished setting up Eddie’s new IV, a deep frown on his face. “But I’m worried about that bump he took to his head. He’s definitely going to need a CT scan when we get there to make sure it’s just a low-grade concussion.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck’s gaze turned back down to Eddie, the frown on his face deepening as his panic grew. His best friend looked so small like this, covered from head to toe in shock and heated blankets, paler than a ghost. The blood from the cuts on his face stood out starkly, the red contrasting with the white in a way that made Buck’s stomach clench and blink back tears. He leaned forward, still holding Eddie’s hand, his other hand coming up to gently brush over his forehead. “You gotta stay with me, Eds,” he whispered pleadingly. “Christopher and I need you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Chr’stpher?” His words were still slurred but his eyes seemed to get a little bit clearer when he blinked, finally managing to focus on Buck’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, Christopher’s show and tell, remember?” Buck encouraged, his heart breaking a little at the confused look on Eddie’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“D’nt ‘ry.” Eddie’s hand weakly reached up and pressed against Buck’s cheek, obviously too exhausted to do anything else. “M’Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck exhaled heavily, closing his eyes for a brief moment as the tears he couldn’t hold back dripped down his cheeks. He was still terrified—his body still shaking a little with lingering panic and fear—and there was little reassuring about Eddie’s words at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a feeling you’re gonna be real sorry when you get warmed back up and Buck finishes preparing his lecture.” Hen butt in, trying to lighten the mood a little.</p><p> </p><p>Buck tried to give her a weak smile but it falls flat when Eddie’s eyes slip shut again. Before he has time to freak out, though, they’ve arrived at the hospital, and Buck is gently held back by Hen and Chimney while Eddie wheeled through the ER. “We gotta let them do their job, Buckaroo.” Hen murmured, placing a comforting hand on his chest to keep him back.</p><p> </p><p>Buck couldn’t quite hold back the distressed noise that came from his throat when Eddie disappeared from view in the trauma bay.</p><p> </p><p>Hen and Chimney had to go back to the ambulance but Buck refused to leave. He plopped himself in the corner of the waiting room in an uncomfortable chair and waited—uncaring of his damp clothes and the mud still drying on his turnout uniform. He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes and tried to forget the sound of the well collapsing in his head.</p><p> </p><p>God, Buck doesn’t think he’s ever been more terrified in his life—except for maybe when he lost Christopher when the tsunami first hit. He’d been prepared to spend hours digging Eddie out with his hands if that’s what it took. He knew it wasn’t logical, but, well, no one ever said love was logical. And Buck has been in love with Eddie for a long, long time.</p><p> </p><p>He’s not entirely sure how long he zoned out for, sitting back up and staring at his shaky hands and leg bouncing annoyingly against the floor. But he startles a little when a hand lands on his shoulder and looks up to see Bobby standing in front of him—freshly out of uniform, looking just as exhausted and worried as Buck felt.</p><p> </p><p>“Any news?” Buck asked anxiously, staring up at Bobby with his heart in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s gonna be okay, kid,” Bobby promised, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. “They’ve got him all set up in a room now—he’s fast asleep.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck let out a breath he hadn’t even been entirely aware he had been holding and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. Silently, he could sense Bobby sitting in the chair next to him and his hand gently slid from his shoulder to rub comfortingly along his back.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I was so scared, Bobby,” Buck felt his voice crack as he spoke, fresh tears brimming in his eyes. God, he was tired of crying tonight.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, Buck, I know,” Bobby’s voice was quiet and soothing. “But he’s alright. He’s alive. A little banged up and bruised, but alive.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck pressed the back of his hand against his mouth as he tried to bite back a sob. “I thought he was <em>gone</em>. I thought I <em>lost</em> him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Buck, shh…” Bobby’s arm curled around Buck’s shoulders, pulling him closer until Buck’s forehead was resting against Bobby’s collarbone. The older man’s other hand pressed gently against the back of Buck’s neck. “You didn’t lose him. He’s here. He’s right down the hall, kid. He’s not going anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was like my whole world slipped through my fingers,” he whispered softly, like a confession, his breath hitching slightly on the words.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” Bobby’s grip tightened slightly. “I know how it feels, Buck. But he’s back. He fought to come back to Christopher, to you, to his family—He hasn’t gone anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck thought about the Captain’s words and finally realized what had been so strange about Bobby’s expression when it happened—the odd look on his face that Buck couldn’t quite decipher underneath the grief and sorrow.</p><p> </p><p>Worry.</p><p> </p><p>For him.</p><p> </p><p>Because Bobby had been through this before. With his family—taken from him in a blink of an eye and all he could do was sit back, helpless. Just like Buck had felt helpless as he tried to desperately dig his way through thirty feet of dirt and mud and water just to get Eddie back. He’d had that look, just waiting until Buck finally broke down before he refused to accept the unthinkable.</p><p> </p><p>Buck took a deep, shuddering breath before he raised his head to look at Bobby. “Thank you,” he said sincerely, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t pulled me away when you did.”</p><p> </p><p>“We got him back, Buck,” Bobby leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on Buck’s forehead, making the younger man’s eyes flutter shut for a moment. “That’s what matters.”</p><p> </p><p>A few quiet moments went by before Bobby reluctantly pulled back and stood up from his chair. “Come on, let’s go see him. I’m sure he’d rather have you there than wake up alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck would’ve blushed if he hadn’t been so drained—both physically and emotionally. He slowly stood up, shaking his head to try and block out the sounds of the explosion still ringing in his ears and the sound of his own screams. “I’m not leaving until he leaves,” Buck told him, eyeing Bobby as they started walking down the hallway, tensed in preparation for an argument to try and go home and change into different clothes.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, kid,” Bobby said instead, surprising Buck by patting him on the shoulder before following him into Eddie’s room.</p><p> </p><p>It took Buck’s breath away to see Eddie in that hospital bed, his skin as pale as the white sheets around him. He slowly rounded the bed and gently took Eddie’s hand, his thumb brushing lightly against the pulse point on his wrist. The steady ‘thump-thump’ of his heartbeat was enough to ease some of the worry from his shoulders. “He’s so cold.” Buck murmured, covering Eddie’s hand with his other hand.</p><p> </p><p>“He’ll get better,” Bobby reassured him, taking a seat in a chair across from Buck up against the wall. “Just needs to get warmed up and he’ll be good as new.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck stayed quiet. He remained quiet as Hen and Chimney came in to check on how Eddie was doing. He stayed quiet through the gentle ribbing and concerned glances they gave each other when they thought he wasn’t looking. He only gave a soft ‘goodbye’ when they all left, leaving Buck alone in the quiet of Eddie’s room with nothing but his thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>The adrenaline from the call was beginning to fade, especially now that Buck was here, with his hand resting reassuringly on Eddie’s wrist. The terror of losing him was beginning to fade enough that he could feel himself starting to nod off a little, slumping against the edge of Eddie’s bed without taking his eyes off the other man.</p><p> </p><p>“Bucky?”</p><p> </p><p>Buck jerked up when he heard his name, blinking the drowsiness out his eyes as he turned around in his chair to look over his shoulder. “Christopher. Hey, buddy.” Buck rasped, rising from the chair with a slight ache in his muscles.</p><p> </p><p>Christopher sped over to him, immediately raising his arms up to be picked up by him, which Buck did so gratefully. He held onto the little boy tightly, letting out a shaky breath as he looked up at Abuela. “Thank you for bringing him.” Buck murmured, smiling a little as she walked in the room as well and gave him a tight hug.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, Nieto,” Abuela assured him. She patted him gently on the cheek, her eyes shining with gratitude. “I saw the news. Gracias for staying with him. It eases my old heart to know you were here.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck swallowed thickly, blinking back fresh tears as he nodded. He gestured for her to take his seat and set Christopher’s crutches down at the edge of Eddie’s bed so he could hold the young boy better.</p><p> </p><p>“Is Daddy gonna be okay?” Christopher whispered in his ear, cheek smushed against Buck’s shoulder as he stared at Eddie on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s gonna be just fine, buddy,” Buck promised, sitting down in another chair on the other side of Eddie’s bed and placing Christopher in his lap. “Your Daddy was very brave. There was a little boy stuck in a well, so your Daddy went to go rescue him.”</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Eddie! Eddie, no, Eddie!</em></b><br/><br/>“After we rescued him, your Daddy got stuck and had to swim back to us. He got really cold—do you remember what hypothermia is?” Buck asked Christopher, absently rubbing the boy’s back.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s the opposite of hyper—it’s when someone gets really, really cold, and they have to go to the hospital to get warm, right?” Christopher asked, tearing his wide eyes away from Eddie long enough to look up at him.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s right.” Buck gave him a small smile, proud that the little guy had remembered from their little lessons. “So Daddy has hypothermia and he has to sleep to get warm now. That’s why he has so many blankets.”</p><p> </p><p>Christopher was quiet as he nodded, looking over at Eddie before he gently pressed his hand against Eddie’s hand, lying limp on the bed. “So—So he’s gonna be okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s gonna be okay, Christopher,” Buck promised. “The doctors said that he can come home with us in the morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Christopher nodded again before turning to Buck with a large frown on his face. “You’re cold.” he declared, pressing his hand against Buck’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Nieto, you’re still in your muddy uniform,” Abuela said gently, a look of concern on her face. “Why haven’t you changed into something dry and warm?”</p><p> </p><p>“I—uh—I didn’t want to leave him,” Buck admitted, his gaze flicking from Eddie to Abuela.</p><p> </p><p>Abuela’s eyes softened and she reached into the bag she had brought with her, one Buck hadn’t even noticed until now. “I wouldn’t think so, which is why I brought you some,” she said, handing him a bundle of clothing. “Go, go change. We will watch over Eddie while you are gone.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck took the clothes, hesitating a bit before Christopher rolled his eyes and carefully slid off Buck’s lap. “Go!” his nose wrinkled a little bit, but his eyes were shining with mirth. “You smell, Bucky.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck gave Christopher a wiry grin and ruffled his hair. “Yeah, suppose I do, buddy. I’ll be right back.” As he walked out, he leaned down and pressed a kiss against Abuela’s cheek. “Gracias.”</p><p> </p><p>When Buck finally returned, fresh in warm clothes (Eddie’s clothes, and he’d be lying if the musky scent lingering in the clothing wasn’t comforting) he gathered up Christopher onto his lap and they settled into the chair next to Eddie’s bed for a long night. Buck wasn’t sure how long they sat there, listening to the steady beat of Eddie’s heart on the monitor before Christopher let out a big yawn and started slumping a little more in Buck’s arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, buddy,” Buck murmured, brushing a hand over Christopher’s curls. “You tired?” When Christopher’s only reply was a tiny nod before he burrowed further against Buck’s chest, he couldn’t say he was surprised. He’d lost track of what time it was, but it was still dark outside, which meant it was definitely way past Christopher’s bedtime.</p><p> </p><p>Buck gently rose to his feet with Christopher tight in his arms and slowly moved to the couch pressed up against the back wall. They were still close enough that if something went wrong Buck would be the first to know. But with him laying back on the couch, one leg hanging over the edge, and Christopher curled up against his chest, he supposed he could lay down and afford to take a small nap.</p><p> </p><p>Just for a minute.</p><p> </p><p>xxx</p><p> </p><p>When Buck woke up, sunlight was streaming through the small window above him. Christopher was still dead to the world, drooling on his chest a little with one hand loosely holding the fabric of his sweatshirt. He gently smoothed his hand over Christopher’s curls before carefully maneuvering himself off the couch, by some miracle not waking the little guy up as he placed him back down on the couch to keep sleeping.</p><p> </p><p>Glancing at the clock, it looked like he managed to get a couple of hours of sleep, but he could still feel exhaustion pulling heavily at his bones. He made his way back to Eddie’s side, noting Abuela’s absence as he held his friend’s hand gently.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie had been moved off the oxygen at some point while Buck had been asleep and it looked like some of the color was returning to his cheeks. He looked less like a ghost and more like himself. It brought a little comfort, but he knew he wouldn’t fully relax until Eddie was awake again and he could hold him in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>God, he came so close to losing him.</p><p> </p><p>He swore he could almost hear the echoes of his screams for Eddie ringing in his ears. When he’d changed, he’d scrubbed the mud and dirt from his hands until they’d turned bright pink and raw to the touch but it still didn’t seem like enough. Even now, he had to fight the urge to claw at his own hands from the memory of the mud thick between his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Something squeezing his hand broke him out of the trance he was in. He quickly looking down and was flooded with relief that would’ve knocked him on his knees if he hadn’t already been sitting. “Oh, thank God,” he breathed, squeezing Eddie’s hand tightly. “How’re you feeling, Eds?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie hummed, blinking up at Buck drowsily. “Okay, I think. Head kind of hurts. Little cold, still.”</p><p> </p><p>“The doctor said you had a Grade 1 concussion,” Buck explained, brushing his thumb along the inside of Eddie’s wrist again. “Mild hypothermia, so they wanted to keep you here for 24 hours to make sure there aren’t any complications.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hayden?” Eddie asked, and Buck had to bite back a laugh that probably would’ve bordered too close to tears because <em>of course</em>. Of course, Eddie would ask about the boy after being buried alive under forty feet of dirt and mud.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s fine,” Buck assured him, managing something akin to a smile on his face. “Thanks to you. He and Chimney managed to get out right before—”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Eddie! No, Eddie! Eddie!</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Buck cut himself off, looking away as hot tears burned behind his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I heard you,” Eddie admitted, his voice scarcely above a whisper. His thumb gently rubbed against the inside of Buck’s wrist, unknowingly doing the exact same thing Buck has been doing since they brought him here—trusting that steady pulse to reassure him he was alive. “When the well collapsed before I was knocked out.”</p><p> </p><p>Buck inhaled sharply, shaking his head as he was unable to stop the hot tears from dripping down his face. “I thought I lost you.” his breath hitched, heart jumping at the reminder. “When the lightning struck, I turned my back on you for one second to keep Bobby safe and—” Buck pressed his lips together to fight back a sob, struggling to keep himself together, keep strong for Eddie.</p><p> </p><p>He finally looked up and met Eddie’s gaze when his friend’s hand gently reached up and brushed the tears off his cheeks, regret and support shining in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Every time I try to help someone I keep losing you two,” Buck said brokenly, his heart aching with pain and guilt.</p><p> </p><p>“Buck, what do you mean?” Eddie sounded confused, his mouth twisted into a frown as he stared at him.</p><p> </p><p>Buck hesitated, averting his gaze again when he quietly started talking, his voice scarcely above a whisper. “During the—the tsunami, I turned my back on Christopher for one second to help someone and he was just gone. And the same thing happened again.” He finally looked back up at Eddie and couldn’t stop the soft sob that escaped his lips. “Why does this keep happening? Why do I keep losing you two? Is this the universe’s sick way of telling me I need to stay away from you?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Eddie told him firmly, grasping the back of Buck’s neck and pulling him closer until their foreheads touched. “Absolutely not. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people. It’s no one's fault, Buck.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know why you did it,” Buck said, closing his eyes as he took a shaky breath. “I’m not mad—I mean, I probably would’ve done the exact same thing. I was just scared, of losing you, of Christopher losing you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll always come back to family, Buck,” Eddie promised, and his words were so soft and sincere that Buck had to open his eyes and make sure he meant it. Eddie just smiled softly at him and brushed his thumb over Buck’s cheekbone. “I’m not planning on going anywhere for a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>When their mouths slotted together in the gentlest of kisses, it wasn’t a surprise to either of them. It was natural—just like everything had been with Eddie, and Buck knows he’s loved this man for a long time. The kiss said everything their hearts were feeling but their mouths wouldn’t say, a quiet promise, an affirmation—not a declaration—of the love they held for each other.</p><p> </p><p>When they broke the kiss, Buck held Eddie in his arms, closing his eyes and resting his cheek on top of the other man’s head. He brought one hand up to gently brush across the side of his head, smiling a little as he felt Eddie relax and slump in his arms. So, okay, maybe everything wasn’t okay right now. Buck knew he was going to still deal with his fear of Eddie leaving him—willing or not—and this was a trauma Eddie was going to have to recover from for the next few weeks.</p><p> </p><p>But this? Right now? Well, nothing was complicated about their love. It was as sure and steady as the sun rising in the east every day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>haha forgot i wrote this lmao. anywho i wanted to add some badass buck but i didn’t wanna take away from eddies moment and strength so this came about! hope yall enjoy it &lt;3 keep your eyes peeled for a part 2 eventually with dealing with the aftermath. comments and kudos warm my heart and make my day</p></blockquote></div></div>
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